About the exquisite bastard

one of the two who see things as they are and chose to meet the days and nights like they will last forever.

happy with the end game

zI found myself pleased with how the end is lining up.
The medical personel will not tell you of any kind of prognosis but if you word the queation in the form of advice for preparing for your care as things move towerds requireing assistance with ‘Normal Life Funtions’ and you talk to the nurse assistant to the Doctor while she is filling you in befor the doctor arrives, you can get what they know.
So a year ago i asked the nurse lady how long befor i began experieancing diffculties maintaining an active life style and begin makeing arrangments for assistance, she told me a year. Today , a year or so later i cannot take the water survivel class, and it is with difficulty trying to stand and direct others for over 6 hours or so.
I now resurch every thing as it develops and have put together a good picture of how long left and the type of experieance ‘departing life’ is going to be (if i allow nature to take its course),
I have come up with a wonderfull alternative to nature taking is course and be gun to outline a plan for the actual ‘departing life’ event.
This has freed my mind of meaningless burden and filled me with pleasure in almost every moment and aspect of life. I have not worked out how to work sex into my life close to the end. I think no sex for 2 years and then you die is not good.
‘your borne, lifes a bitch, no sex for 2 years and then you die’

Quality of life

The radiation guy said I should stop working and look to the ‘Quality of life’
The ‘quality of life was working, working was watching the Burmese Roustabouts turn to face the monsoon and following their lead, getting hammered by torential rain with no choise but to stand it thru, then the decks steamed the water and we watched the natural unavoidable move down stream on the Yangon, ‘quality of life’ was the knowlage you could live around things you cannot change.
like the Dick with a bolder between him and a woman he cannot touch and talk to only from a distance. the two of them inspireing in their ability to scale or climb the vertical but helpless to close the short distance on level land. like the Burmese roustabout you have to honor the knowlage your quality of life will be standing thru things you cannot change. Places and people we hate to leave,

Cambodian Girl

I spent the day on the beach, the barge was fog bound and could not get underway. I had hot soup in a Cambodian coffee house not far from the dock in Galveston and spent severl hours talking to a Philipino Crew man in the dive team. My mind drifted to the many places in the world you have to go befor you get here. I became aware of how little I care about how I got here, Im here and alive, the soup is good the talk is good and the Cambodian girl is happy.
Im most certin the full ness of life was attained today, Hot soup, good talk and smiling Cambodian Girl and im alive, still living, today
OK then, hope your lunch was equally as condusive to enjoying another day among the living.

I was pleased to view your latest creation, I felt it somehowe worthy of it position, in the middle of a field on an isolated farm. It was good you chose the antiquated tools of so humble a proffesion to express yourself, more fitting the towering arrangment resembled less the structual art of the crafts man iron worker and more a reminder that rock stands tall beyound the famers reach unless aby choise with forged implements left behind he world face the climb i=with nothing but the bare ness of personel streangth and passion to arrive exausted and spent haeing left fo effort behind
You inspire me young frind you “dick” you to create a statement of my own, to mount it in an open field, I think which ever one whom last the longest should build a fire at the others statment and drinking wine scream into the dark sky so that out end of thing s becomes a jorny chased into the darkness by the voices and fire left behind.

life by the season

Eveybody is going to die, we just have a better idea of when. This is a good thing. it allowes us the season. We do not review the season past rather live the season now. I like your box Idea. It is an idea good for any season. My box will be a small one of ashes, I want to feed the plants that feed the earth and all the people to stand around the fire and drink wine, or moon shine. Maybe I should cask my own moon shine, it will be done the day of my fire. Dead guy Booz, I like that.
I think im going to go out and live some life today. Do something in the cold. The cold does not last but for a season it really wakes you up. God I love this life.
exquisite bastard

I was just living

My Blog

Im still in the south, the south being Mississippi on a warm morning with heavy rain drumming on the tin roof. the wind is wipping the tops of the trees and the woods push the warm smell of old vegatation out into the open fields. The lilys are open and the space between down pours is fillid with the sound of pond and wood land creatures.

I put a stiff shot of moonshine (corn) in my coffee and it gives me the peace to sit for hours and just injoy the experieance of being alive. I walk the fields and around the pond when the rain is light, the rain is cold but the air warm and the feeling is of shareing life and living with those who will never return.

Im thinking of hot food and woman, I’m going to stay within my my ability and realistic expectations and…

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